


Don't Die On Me

by stanuris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon!Universe, M/M, Nightmares, anways there u go, but it deviates from canon, cuddles and just lots of gay things okay, i love them so much i want my babies to be happy, jeanmarco, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 23:01:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4895641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stanuris/pseuds/stanuris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean hates his nightmares, but at least when he's asleep, he has the guts to tell Marco what he's thinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Die On Me

**Author's Note:**

> another one of those drabble requests from tumblr!!  
> jeanmarco: "i'm right here, i'm not going anywhere"
> 
> hope you guys enjoy!!

Jean still gets nightmares.

It’s been months since he left the refugee camp with Marco, and it’s been years since everything happened. It’s even been weeks since he started training to get into the military police, but most importantly, it’s been years since he watched his baby sister die. It’s been so long, but every time he closes his eyes, he’s back there. He’s back, young and helpless, only eleven, small and afraid. The titans are big, they’re huge, bigger than anything Jean’s ever seen. He’s too afraid to scream for help, he can’t seem to find his mom, his dad, anyone. He’s alone, and the only thought rushing through his mind is to find his sister, to find Elaine, before he loses her, too.

But it’s too late, it’s always, always too late. It’s too late, and Jean’s alone again. Most nights, this is the point when he wakes up: drenched in cold sweat, tears that he’d never let anyone else see streaming down his pale skin. He’s lucky that it wakes him up in the middle of the night, because otherwise, he’d never hear the end of it from Eren.

Jean knows something’s wrong when this time, as he closes his eyes, it’s Marco that he sees lying dead on the ground, not Elaine. Jean has to clasp a hand over his mouth when he shoots straight up in bed to smother the scream he knows will escape his lips otherwise.

“Fuck.” 

Jean asks Reiner a very vaguely worded question about the meaning of dreams come morning.

Come that night, when Jean closes his eyes again to sleep, all he can see is his best friend lying below him, covered in blood.

The next night, Jean’s dream-self does his best to save Marco, only to watch Marco meet the same fate, again and again. Jean’s only solace is waking up, stricken with fear, only to glance over and see the freckled boy peacefully asleep in his bunk.

The next time Jean dreams this, he stands over Marco’s body, crying. His hair in his face, sobbing apology after apology, ending with a whispered, broken, “I love you.” A slightly hoarse "I'm sorry." follows soon after.

When Jean wakes up, coated in sweat again, he promises himself that he’ll tell Marco. Before one of them dies.

He decides that this morning seems to be as good a time as any to confess that he's in love.

“Morning, Marco.” Jean calls to his friend as they make their way through the lines to get their breakfast, today's selection of slop.

“Morning, sleepyhead!” Jean can’t help but smile as Marco laughs, a sound he can never seem to get enough of.

“Hey, Marco?” He asks as they go to sit down.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Marco’s innocent eyes meet his, and Jean can’t bring himself to say anything.

“Ah, do you know what day we’re leaving for wall Maria?” He asks instead.

Idle conversation fills the room as Jean’s friends attempt to find an answer, and Jean buries his head in his hands for a moment. It doesn’t take him long, though, to wipe away the grim look on his face and paint on a fake smile, forced laughter pushing past his lips.

Jean tries to tell him three more times, each time ending worse than the last.

“Hey Marco?”

“Hmmm?”

“Ah, nevermind, I just remembered.”

His third attempt went worse.

“Hey Marco?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you” Jean whispers this, and it’s almost unintelligible.

“Huh? Sorry, couldn’t hear you.” Marco turns to face Jean now, brown eyes meeting his.

“Nevermind.”

The fourth time Jean tells him, Marco’s asleep.

“Hey Marco? I know you’re asleep, but I think I’m in love with you. Just so you know.” Jean’s voice breaks, and he rolls over, burying his head into his pillow. He closes his eyes, doing his best to prepare himself for what he knows will come next.

What Jean didn’t plan for, was this time shooting out of bed at seven in the morning. Minutes after he knows Marco always wakes up.

What Jean definitely didn’t expect was to see a worried Marco sitting on the edge of his bed, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Jean, are you okay? That looked like an awful nightmare.” Marco’s voice is laced with concern, and Jean feels every string inside of him breaking.

“Fine. I’m used to it.” Jean mutters, eyes searching for anything, anything to settle upon other than Marco.

“You’ve had that dream before, then?” Marco asks, and Jean just nods in reply.

“Too many times.”

“How many?” Marco demands, hands reaching for Jean’s.

“Almost every night, okay?” Jean snaps, tears threatening to start to flow.

“You idiot.” Marco whispers, and with one swift movement, his face is barely an inch away from Jean's, and then he's pressing a swift kiss to his lips. “If you’ve had that dream every night, and said that you loved me every night, then why on earth didn’t you tell me sooner?” Jean’s heart is beating faster than he thought possible, and it feels to him like his chest is about to burst. Not trusting himself with words, he pulls Marco closer to him, arms wrapping around his friend’s torso.

They stay like that for a few moments, and Jean moves so he’s looking into Marco’s eyes after a while. Hands shaking, he leans forward, cold lips meeting Marco’s warm ones.

“I love you, Marco Bodt.”

“I love you too, Jean. I have for so, so long.” Marco’s warm voice is comforting, and everything about the boy just feels so warm and inviting.

“Please don’t die on me.” Jean whispers, voice breaking.

“I won’t, not yet. I’m here, Jean. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> aaaaaaaand we're done! thank you for reading, and i hope you guys liked it! let me know what you thought in the comments, and leave me some kudos if you like!
> 
> if you want to see/like/reblog the original post, click the link below!!  
> http://goodknight-moon.tumblr.com/post/129042602395/jeanmarco-14
> 
> i also drew a thing earlier that fits perfectly with this fic!  
> http://goodknight-moon.tumblr.com/post/127992021480/goodknight-moon-you-can-fall-asleep-each-night


End file.
